Seriously, that's what they do. But let's back up.
As previously stated, Jon decided to give me Lasik eye surgery for a gift this year. Now I am always a little wary about expensive presents, especially from a spouse. I think all the time, but it was our family money before it was this thing. And is it really a present if you are working hard to save money together and then one of your randomly decides to spend a big chunk of it? But putting my present issues aside, I was grateful to find out that Jon had put aside the money for the surgery back in April so he knew it would be there no matter how the year panned out. I thought that was really awesome.
So anyway, I go into my first appointment pretty giddy because I was still in surprise mode. I filled out a bunch of paperwork, got set in front of a bunch of machines, and chilled while they figured out if I was a candidate or not. Every time I went to a new person, they would glance at my chart and say, 'Oh! Happy birthday!' And always followed it up with, "What are you doing for your birthday?"
"Getting Lasik eye surgery," I immediately responded every time. Turns out, not a popular birthday gift. Who know?
I can now be grateful for my eye genes. While they did give me the problem in the first place, I was also blessed with extra thick corneas so I could "have the surgery like 6 times" if I wanted. I was a perfect candidate so we scheduled the appointment, gave them a lot of money, and were ready to go.
They sat me down with their 'sales guy' right at the end, which I thought was funny since I was so obviously gung-ho the whole time. But I asked him a few of my questions, especially about the trip I was taking a week after the surgery to Hawaii.
"Don't even worry about that. You will be totally healed up by then and won't have to take your glasses with you on the trip!"
Awesome! I was in.
I was then extremely busy for the next week getting ready for Christmas and my trip and didn't have a lot of time to sit and ponder about what I was about to do to my eyes. Occasionally random people would say things like "I'm not sure I could do it after I heard about the whole flapping your eye open part." Thanks guys.
But before I knew it, I was headed in for the real deal. I was a little late to my appointment. My chauffeur had to swing by a job site quickly on the way, and then somehow lost a supposedly chained on ladder in the middle of the freeway and had to chase it down. Watching your husband dart into the middle of oncoming traffic with a Semi barreling toward him to get a ladder is a sight I could go a long time without seeing again.
But finally I was there. I had opted not to take the Valium they offer, I don't always respond very well to strong medication and I figured I could hold still. So, I just got to sit there and read a magazine. I was then taken into the prep room where I got a rockin' hairnet and booties. Unfortunately, it was at that point that we got the post-surgery instruction lecture. One of the big ones on the list was no swimming for 3 WEEKS after surgery.
Uh, hello?! Remember Hawaii next week people?! I am not sure what you crazy Lasik sales people do on vacation in Hawaii but normal people swim. I, as a normal person, was planning on swimming. I was a little peeved that they treated me more as a sales statistic then a patient. But at that point it was either do it or wear glasses to Hawaii (which also hinders the swimming) so I just went with it.
The procedure itself was a little more intense than I thought. For the most part I just had to stare forward into a light but they put all kinds of crazy drops in your eye that don't feel good. Then they clamp this little suction cup to your eye and that is the one that cuts your cornea. That part was pretty crazy. They had to suction my left eye twice and broke a bunch of blood vessels in the process so I still kinda look like crazy bleeding eye girl. And then there is the eye flapping and the lasers and its all kind of a lot to take in.
But less that 15 minutes later it was over and I was free to go. I felt a few shock symptoms for a bit, got a little shaky but overall felt pretty good.
Even though the surgery itself was kinda nutty, the results have been amazing. I am seeing 20/20 without any dryness or other symptoms. I go to bed, can see my alarm clock in the middle of the night, can watch a whole movie without my contacts spinning in circles, it is really really awesome.
Whenever I would read a book about days before glasses and one character would be the "one who squinted" because they couldn't see very well I was always really grateful for my glasses. Now I am on a whole new level of gratefulness. Science is a pretty fantastic thing.