Doing the Math

Tonight, Baskin Robbins had their annual 31 cent scoop night. Now going out to ice cream is something only really rich and really stupid people who don't realize you can get five times as much ice cream for the same price at the grocery store do (at least that is what I have convinced my children). That is, unless the scoops happen to be on sale for 31 cents.

So right at 5 p.m. you could find yours truly with her two wiggly children in line in front of the neighborhood ice cream store, anxiously awaiting our turn.

**** Adorable Pre-Story****

While in the car on the way to ice cream, I was energizing my back seat crowd.

"Who wants ice cream, raise your hand!"

"Me!!! Me!!!"

"Who wants ice cream, raise your hands higher!"

"Me!!! Me!!!"

Scarlet interrupted our sporting ritual and said, "Mom, this reminds me of church." (No, we don't regularly head out to ice cream on Sunday)

"Why, Scarlet?"

"Because in church, they ask us if we want something and everyone raises their hand like this," she said while demonstrating how we sustain in Sacrament meeting.

Too funny

Anyway,

****Back to Main Post ****

So there we are standing in line with the best of the best type of crowd for the next 30 minutes. And let me tell you, it was quite the 30 minutes. It all started going downhill when I noticed the four year old boy in front of us wouldn't stop coughing. I should say rather he couldn't stop hacking up a lung for about 10 minutes straight. I held my children as far of a distance as possible, and the thought crossed my mind '31 cent ice cream sure wouldn't be worth it if my kids got that cough.'

And that is when he threw up.

It wasn't like a stomach dump, more like a cough so hard he gagged many, many times. His mom calmly pulled him to the side to let him get it all out behind a nearby column. And, when he was done, she wiped off his mouth with her hand, left his throw up for the rest of us to admire right where it was, and got back in line! I am seriously considering begging the people in front of us take cuts. Of course, everyone behind us caught the same scene so nobody was taking our place. I tightened my reigns on Rhode and Scarlet but stayed put the whole time wondering what horrible disease I was probably infecting my children with at the moment. Again, at one point thought, 'If my kids come down with whooping cough tomorrow, 31 cent ice cream probably will not have been worth it.'

Two families to go and Scarlet decided she desperately needs to use the bathroom. There is no restroom in the Baskin Robbins and the restaurant we are standing immediately next to has one of those 'Restroom for customers only' signs that was larger than the name of their store. The very nice lady behind us offered to let us run down the strip mall to find a restroom while she held our spot. With Rhode in my arms and Scarlet trailing, we ran the entire length of the strip mall. Of the 10 doors, only 2 held actual businesses and both were already closed. The rest were big empty buildings. Stupid economy.

So we trudged back in line and Scarlet luckily got a second wind and was able to hold it. I then though, 'If Scarlet pees on the ground and soaks her clothes and shoes right as we walk in this store and I have to order ice cream for her while she screams out of embarrassment and wetness, 31 cent ice cream would so not be worth it."

Thankfully, that did not happen.

We got our scoops without any loss of bladder control and headed out the door. Now you couldn't eat inside the store but I figured we would just pull up some sidewalk and enjoy our cones. That is when the wind kicked in, big time. We could hardly keep our cones upright much less pause to enjoy them. So the ice cream outing got moved to my freshly detailed car.

I opened the passenger door for Scarlet and, before I even had time to remind her to be careful, her cone snapped in two and the entire scoop of ice cream splatted onto my freshly shampooed mat.

We recovered the ice cream and shut the doors to keep the gusting wind out when we realized it was really hot in the car. So, I turned on the car to run the A/C wondering how much it was costing me in gas to eat my 31 cent ice cream.

Cones were finished without any further problems and both parties were pretty satisfied with their treat. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but run a few numbers as I buckled my kids into their car seats. If they do get sick from the crazy puker and I have to take them both to the doctor, if I decided to get my now sticky car detailed again, if I totaled up the gas burned while we enjoyed our cones, plus included the time it took to actually procure them...

Suddenly my 31 cent cone costs me about $85 a scoop.

But the truly scary part is Carvel is having a free ice cream day tomorrow and I'm not totally convinced the Nielsens won't be making an appearance.

Yeah, Definitely Made My Day

I picked Scarlet and Rhode up from Nursery today as usual. We are actually Nursery leader-less in our ward at the moment and that means a lot of fill-ins. This week, one of the members of the bishopric and one of the ward clerks were subbing. Now I explain this because this adorable little story I am about to share would probably not have happened with the typical Nursery leadership.

Anyway, as Rhode did his full sprint into my arms, our ward clerk Taylor shared this story with me:

Taylor: What do you got there Rhode? Is that a phone?

Rhode: Yeah

Taylor: Who are you talking to? Your girlfriend? (Gotta love male nursery subs)

Rhode: Yeah!

Taylor: Oooh! Who's your girlfriend Rhode?

Rhode: Um..... mama!

Rhode, at that moment realizing that I wasn't there with him, proceeded to cry for me in Nursery for the first time. Luckily, he was calmed quickly.

I am always going to be his favorite girl right?

I'm Just Not Scary Enough

We finally wrap up a weekend of driving just hours ago. My kids spent a fun filled weekend with Aunt Cara and Uncle Ben and their three cousins. At one point, Scarlet was openly admitting she didn't really care if her true parents ever actually came to get her. And the entire 5 hour drive home was filled with requests to return to our "Utah home". I sometimes wonder if Scarlet thinks she is a millionaire's daughter. It is going to be devastating to this girl when she realizes one day that her parents do not own every single residence she has ever spent a night in.

But I made an important and disturbing discovery during the car ride home. Rhode was fast asleep and Scarlet was being unnaturally self-entertained while I concentrated on the road and the radio and Jon got his DS on. Jon then casually looked to his left to check in on the back seat situation and yells, "Kacey, pull over now!"

The man should learn not to give me panic attacks.

Assuming I had a dead or dying child in the backseat, I immediately pulled over... onto the left hand shoulder.

"What are you doing?! You can't park over here!" he yelled at me while I am desperately trying to remember how to Heimlich or CPR something. I had come to a complete stop before I figured out what all the commotion was about.

Scarlet had pulled the veggie tray from the back window ledge and had two handfuls, yes full fisted handfuls, of ranch dressing balanced precariously over every surface she could reach.

We cleaned up the ranch, wondering why in the world our 3 year old would think it would be just fine to wash her hands in dressing with us just inches away?

Everyone knows a quiet child in another room is 90% of the time doing something they shouldn't be. But in the backseat of the car? A mere rearview window glance away from punishment? That is pretty daring.

Later in the drive, after a terrifying left lane shoulder merging, Scarlet finally succumbed to sleep and Rhode kicked around happily in his car seat. I was on the phone with family while Jon continued saving the world on his 3 inch touch screen and just happened to take a glance back at the much too quiet son of ours.

He looked like one of the indians from Peter Pan.

He somehow managed to pull my purse from that same rear window ledge and grabbed my makeup compact. It is one of those really convenient ones that has lipstick, eyeshadow, blush and eyeliner all in one little handy box. Well... I should clarify... it was a really convenient little makeup box. Now, it is has smeared into one color, a horrible tannish brown that adorned both chubby cheeks, arms, forehead, shirt and legs.

Once again, I am literally inches away while he adorns/destroys.

I came to the only conclusion a parent could. My children are just not as afraid of me as they should be.

Now that I have explained, if you happen to see me walking around town in this over the next few weeks, you'll understand.

Teaching Religion

Religious holidays can pose difficulties for new moms and dads. What will our traditions be? How will be balance the fun celebrations with the not so fun religious observances? How will we create in our children lasting memories of family togetherness and righteous teachings and behaviors that they will then pass on to their posterity? How do you balance the Easter bunny with the resurrection and not lose the message amidst the frivolity?

I have no idea.

So, instead of giving myself an early aneurysm, we just went with the flow this Easter season. Egg decorating, searching, and Easter basketing ensued, with the occasional gospel lesson mixed in.

The results? Well, I'll let you judge.

Early in the week, right before dying eggs, we had a lesson called, "Feed My Sheep." We talked about how we are all Jesus's sheep and he is our shepherd. We shared ways on how we can "feed" each other. I was afraid it might be a little too parable-y for the kids, especially when Scarlet spent most of the rest of the week asking me, "Mom, you're a sheep right?" But, we hoped something had stuck.

Before we searched for eggs in the backyard, we read the story of the resurrection in the New Testament kid's scriptures. Scarlet then asked us to read the story over and over to her whenever we had a chance. We felt pretty successful at that point.

And while they snacked on deliciously sugary treats, we read the story yet again. We then realized why we were reading the same story for about the 20th time. She picked up quickly on the fact that mom and dad would stop doing just about anything if she requested the Jesus story be read. When your child looks up at you with big brown eyes and asks to learn more about Jesus, come on, you feel like a sinner for even thinking of saying no.

Scarlet has had a few questions inspired by her new gospel knowledge. We took a walk home from the park and passed by a construction site and a big water truck. She is always fascinated by the water truck and asked, "Mom where do they keep the water?"

"Umm, in the tube in the back of the truck. See it right there?"

"The tube?"

"Yeah, right back there."

She looked really concerned about that, then asked, "Is Jesus back there too?"

After a moment of hesitation, I caught on. "No, Jesus went into the tomb, not the tube."

"Oh!"

Now she has the whole Easter story down solid and has even made a few connections of her own. I got to the part about Mary Magdalene looking for Jesus in the empty tomb when she stopped me, looked very closely at Mary and said:

"Mom, Mary went to find Jesus and He wasn't there. And Mary... Mary had a little lamb. And, mom, we are supposed to feed the sheep!"

That's close enough, right?

Quick Click

I have found myself missing my former life as a journalist. But, thanks to the internet, I have found my outlet. Of course my deep, insightful piece of published journalism is about... rolls. But it's something right? And if you go look at it, my little counter goes up and that is just an awesome thing to behold.

Anyway, click here for all of the breaded wisdom I have to offer. Enjoy!

They published my other one too!

Silly but fun, and fiction in case you missed that.

Five... No Make That Seven Hair Cuts Later

Scarlet was not blessed/cursed with the copious amounts of hair her mom came into the world with. It has been a slow process for her whole head of hair to finally make an appearance and then grow. While in the waiting process, I never really felt the need to cut the little hair she had. Which is why Scarlet is just now getting her first full hair cut.

And, let me tell you, it was definitely time.

One week, bald. The next week, hair to her shoulder blades. Ponytails only last until nap time and we all know how fun combing out a ratty mess of long kid hair can be. Scarlet and I were both ready for her summer 'do.

I made an appointment with a lady in the ward who has a little salon down the street. I was actually pretty excited about the occasion, such a fun moment for mother and daughter. That was until dad ruined everything.

My husband has many strong opinions about pretty much everything. Even after five years of knowing that, he still catches me completely off guard all the time with opinions on issues I really didn't think any man gave even a passing thought.

"Three year old don't need to go to a salon. That is something you only get to do when you're like a teenager." He announced three days before the upcoming haircut.

They don't? Well then who cuts their hair?

"I do," he informed me. "I know how to cut hair."

Awesome.

Haircut #1 - So, the next day, Jon pulled out the large, orange handled office scissors and asked me to wet down Scarlet's hair.

The garbage bag was her idea. She really didn't like the idea of any hair touching her.

Now, Jon blames it on the timing. He only had about 20 minutes to complete his creation before he had to jet off to mutual. But, honestly, it was never at any point headed in a good direction.

I asked for a nice, simple bob. He decided to start the front layer at the length of her bangs. So already my chin length style started at about mouth level. He then proceeded at a down angle from there. When he finally ran out the door, we had two straight lines from mouth to ear and then a lovely U shape in the back.

Really, just awesome.

Haircut #2 - I took over with my non existent hair cutting skills and tried to salvage as best as possible. It was not very good. But, it was pretty straight, did not resemble a mullet in any shape or form, and would hopefully grow out quickly.

At least it was done... or so I naively assumed.

Haircut #3 - Ignoring all warnings, threats, and common sense, Scarlet decided to take a whack at the whole hair cutting frenzy.

You can imagine I wasn't the happiest mother on the planet. But, she did manage to keep the damage to the less conspicuous back of her head. And really, it was my fault. I'm sure she couldn't help but think, if dad can be allowed to take a whack at my hair, it must be open season to anyone with a pair of scissors!

Haircut #4 - I never had gotten around to cancelling that salon appointment so Scarlet and I headed in that afternoon to survey the damage. A quick moment of gratitude to all trained hair cutting professionals. Please, keep us forever from attempting our own hair cuts and continue to save us from total humiliation when we do.

She really did like the hair. I had just informed her it was nap time after we took pictures. Turns out it is impossible to smile when sleep is coming shortly.

Haircut #5 - Rhode also got a new summer hairdo. Jon handled this one as well. One haircut, ten minutes, no problem. Boys really are easier.

I meant to take a better picture than this. He had just taken a major dirt face plant off the slide. It was too funny not to document. So, if you can manage to look past the dirt and snot face, you can admire his little boy buzz.

I really thought this would be the end of the blog entry. I HOPED this would be the end of the blog entry. Sadly, we still have two haircuts to go.

Haircut #6 - Scarlet is going through a boundary testing phase at the moment. While under the ruse of going to play outside, she slyly stashed a pair of scissors out with her. My friend Cynthia walked out to check on her own daughter to catch Scarlet holding something behind her hands and sporting a very guilty face.

Then she saw the hair.

I came downstairs hearing, "Kacey, you might want to get down here. Scarlet has something to show you and you won't be happy about it."

Haircut #7 - I trimmed up the thrashed clumps of hair poking down from the front of her hair and we ended up with this.

While curling her hair for church I realized just how many lengths of hair she actually has going on right now. It's going to be a long time before Scarlet gets the long hair she was hoping to achieve with her last cut.

She is now fully aware that any further haircuts will lead mom to allow dad to cut her hair again... Rhode style.

On the bright side, it will probably be ANOTHER three years before it grows out long enough to have to cut it again.

Hmm, three years is suddenly not sounding long enough.

California, Here We Come

Mom: Scarlet, come on back in the house so we can go potty.

Scarlet: No mom, I don't have to go potty.

Mom: Come on! It's roadtrip time! You have to go potty before a roadtrip. It's the rules!

Scarlet: No mom, this is MY trip! It is my trip, right mom? Or is this brother's trip?

Get it? Rhode trip?

We took off for a few days in California right after the birthday weekend. Jon and I donated our day of service and scored two free passes to Disneyland. We had a very interesting service opportunity, it was a bit more publicity stunt than actually, you know, helping people. But three hours for two Disney tickets and two ugly but free t-shirts, who's complaining?!

Since Scarlet didn't officially turn three until Wednesday, we took advantage of her still-two-year-old status and planned to hit the park on Tuesday, when our whole family could get in free. So, on Monday, we spent some time with Jon's sister Krista and hit the beach.

But first, we met this lovely creature.

My kids are way tougher than I give them credit.

We had a beautiful walk down the beach. My kids were in heaven.

Rhode was torn between his need to show me the water and the birds. "Wa wa!" "Bud!" "Wa wa!" "Bud!" The excitement threatened to overwhelmed him.

After a good night's sleep we headed to the park to start our fun packed day. Did anyone else know the park opens early for the people staying at their hotels and not for the rest of us poor saps? You did? Well, you could have told us. Our Disneyland day started with a lovely 45 minute wait outside the front gates. There is nothing our two children love more than waiting.

I couldn't help but imagine our wait outside the front gate was a sign of bad things to come. We were soon going to be asking our children to wait in line after line for some promised form of entertainment.

To all you people who stayed home from Disneyland that day, keeping the lines anywhere from manageable to non-existent, I owe you. Big time.

We started the day on the carousel. It became the most requested ride of the day. Nothing better than coming all the way to Disneyland to have your kids begging for the ride you can go to at home just down the street.

After the carousel, we made the HUGE mistake of going on Mr. Toads Wild Ride. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn't remember why. It occurred to me about halfway through when we crashed into a train, died, and traveled to the hot and devil-filled place that maybe this wasn't the best ride for small children.

Scarlet held a brave face for the ride but afterwards was wary about all "cave" rides. Rhode was stuck under the safety bar on Jon's lap so he got a front row seat to all of the terror. He didn't take it well.

But a trip on Dumbo and teacups lightened the mood considerably.

Scarlet talked nonstop about meeting her favorite Disney characters, until she actually got the opportunity. I was so excited that Mickey, Goofy, and Pluto were at the entrance as we walked in.

No, there will not be any adorable child with character pictures to follow. She assigned herself a personal restraining order and could not venture within 20 feet of any character. No amount of persuasion made any difference. Even later, as we walked past the unmasked Alice in Wonderland, Scarlet still maintained a strict distance.

I didn't realize the severity of the situation until we attempted a trip to Toon Town. Mickey's house was line free so we assumed he wasn't home. We had a nice little tour of the facility but Scarlet was still a little hesitant about the whole thing. Even when we reached Mickey's movie studio, there was no one so we walked through the last set of doors without worry. Scarlet's worst nightmare come true in the form of suspenders and large black ears.

One sight of the large mouse sent her into a hysterical crying fit right back out the door we had just entered. Jon spent the next several minutes persuading her to walk by Mickey so we could actually leave. She finally resorted to being carried out with her eyes closed. Thank goodness I didn't waste money on a signature book.

Even knowing all we knew, we still attempted a trip to Fairy Hollow. Scarlet loves tinkerbell. I was really hoping that if any character could convince Scarlet they weren't there solely for the purpose of torturing her, it would be tinkerbell.

This was one of the only lines we waited in all day. When we arrived at the first fairy, Scarlet was interested and, for about a second, was willing to stand somewhat close to the orange fairy.

She didn't last long enough to get a clear picture, but a picture nonetheless.

Then, we got to tinkerbell and the boy fairy from the movie, the one that looks like Zelda. Once she came in view, Scarlet timidly watched her from behind a giant mushroom. I was gearing up for one great moment as Scarlet met her favorite make believe person.

Hopes were up, then they were thrown on the floor and stomped on a little. At Scarlet's turn, tinkerbell made eye contact and Scarlet threw herself to the floor and began to crawl toward the exit in a state of panic. Yeah, that is not embarrassing at all by the way. It took us a few too many times, but we did learn our lesson and steered clear of all magical beings come to life.

With only one stop to nap at the hotel, we had a full day of Disney and I am pretty sure we hit everything we could ever want to see. Doing Disneyland with kids is a whole different experience. For example, after all my years of Disney going, I had never rode the train around the park. Did you know you go to the Grand Canyon and travel back in time to the dinosaurs during your short trip? I sure didn't.

Scarlet, who skipped her earlier naptime, crashed in the stroller on the way to dinner. But Rhode the trooper made it all the way through our late night dinner. We met up with some California friends, the Mercuros and their daughter Zoe.

Rhode pulled out some of that boyish Nielsen charm during dinner and, before we knew it...

He can't help being so good lookin'.

So, now we can officially check Disneyland off the 'list of things you should do for/with your kids." So what if there is no chance of them remembering anything about this trip 5 years down the road? It has been captured and blogged, therefore it counts. So, enjoy the memories while they last kids!