Can Never Show My Face At Church Again...

I remember the days back in the good ol' singles ward when I used to really notice how quiet Sacrament meeting was.  I appreciated it a little but I occasionally had the thought that it might be fun to have a few munchkins making a little noise in my pew someday.    It was much more magical in my imagination.

And now there is Asher.  Already a pretty rambunctious kid, we have now reached that awesome age where they are way too old to be happy sitting on your lap in Sunday School but too young for Nursery.  This had led to many interesting moments, but three that stick out for their high levels of public embarrassment.

1) During the middle of a particularly great Relief Society lesson, Asher made a dash out of my arms and headed straight for the front of the classroom.  He then made a pivot straight towards the easel holding the announcement white board.  I was right behind him, thank goodness and caught the easel just moments before the white board came crashing down on his head.  I thought I had set it up correctly before grabbing my still wiggly son, but no.  Instead the white board came down a second time on top of my head.  In the middle of the lesson.  

We spent the rest of the lesson in the hallway.

2) The Nursery was a little short on helpers one week so I instantly volunteered, knowing if I was in there Asher could be too.  The first hour went fantastically.  He was well behaved, stayed in his chair during music time, and ate his snack like a Nursery pro.  At the beginning of second hour, they take the kids into the toy room and let them play for awhile.  I knew that would be his favorite time so I wasn't concerned about leaving for a few minutes to conduct Relief Society opening exercises.

I had been in the RS room for a total of 2 minutes when our President came rushing into the room saying, "Kacey, Asher needs you now!"

What could possibly have gone that wrong in that amount of time?!  I turn the corner toward the Nursery room but slow down as I hear a commotion in the bathroom.  I walk in to find our poor Nursey leader with a handful of paper towels, poop on about three different surfaces, and a very smelly child of mine sitting on the ledge.   He had filled his diaper, up his back and down to his ankles with poo in those few minutes.  It was like a newborn explosion increased exponentially to a 17 month old size.  

I cleaned and scrubbed and sanitized for a good old long while, picked up my mostly naked child, took him straight home and put him down for a nap.

3) And our third and final strike was this past Sunday.  We just switched to 11 a.m. church which is full on nap time for this guy.  He held it together through the first 20 minutes of Sacrament meeting thanks to a pack of fruit snacks and a pacifier until the Sacrament bread came around.  As Jon was passing the tray to Rhode, Asher took a flying leap at the bread.  Then chaos ensued.  Bread went flying in many directions as did my son.  He finally landed with a loud crack as his ear connected with the hymn book holder.   I jumped to my feet and pushed past a very confused Deacon and made it in the lobby just in time for the post-large breath intake scream of death to erupt.  

He then took a two hour nap in the mother's lounge.  It's gonna be a long year.